As I was browsing through an account of mine in a website that has gone stagnant, I came across a post dedicated to me by the first person I hurt really bad.

You made me realize just how low I viewed myself back then and how, even despite that, I craved for attention just to reaffirm my sense of worth. You made me feel special, and coming from someone like me, that meant a great deal. We were friends first and as much as I’d like to wonder what would have happened if I had just returned the feelings you managed to develop back then, I think that what happened between us was what was really meant to happen.

Now, we never talk. I never see you around, even if our schools are just a few minutes ride away from each other. It’s a wonder we’re even friends on Facebook at all. But I will never forget the friendship you showed me. You helped me realize just how much of an asshole I was being and how, despite how I perceived myself, I managed to develop a superiority complex and that was what pushed people away. You helped open my eyes to the reality that is life and you helped me make my way throughout the year that we were classmates. I will never forget you just walking with me, talking to me, and listening and looking back now, I can truly say that you were one of the people who helped shape my life to what it is now. 

Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So thank you. I will always be grateful to you and your friendship, even if it never really lasted.

I wish you the best and may you find whatever it is that you are looking for.

This is just so apt for my situation right now and I think I’m slowly adjusting to the fact that tomorrow might bring failure. I may not be okay with that but after talking to several of my friends and having them reaffirm their belief in me, I think that no matter what happens tomorrow, I won’t be a failure in their eyes.

Anonymous asked: you fail.. so what?

I know people might think that I’m overreacting but if you knew me and my situation, I think that you’d be able to at least feel my pain.

All my life I’ve been one of the people who’s never had to study for school. When I reached college, I realized that I could not breeze through this like I have before. I study hard for all my subjects and sacrifice a lot of my time for them. In the past, I was used to succeeding. Now, I count myself lucky to even be able to pass.

This failure is not my first but it hurts because I studied so hard for this and it’s the second time that I’ve practically failed in this topic. It’s like what I do is never enough and it makes me see how stupid I am to think otherwise.

I can’t afford to fail. Not with my scholarship on the line, not with my grades being the way they are, not with my family counting on me otherwise, and not with me setting high goals for myself.

I realize now just how stupid I’ve been and there’s nothing I can do about it now but pray. So yeah, sorry if this turned into a rant, but I just needed to let this out because it really hurts.